Heart to Heart with Grandpa Vader
by Barefoot XO
Summary: With the Empire controlling the galaxy, Darth Vader now has to deal with the most frightening things he ever has... the love lives of his grandchildren.
1. Jaina's Big Problem

_**Heart to Heart with Grandpa Vader**_

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><p>I don't own Star Wars or any of the Characters...<p>

This idea was inspired by a line in Val Solo's 'You Get Me'...

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><p><strong>Chapter I: Jaina's Big Problem<strong>

Lord Vader sat calmly on his throne surveying the youth before him. It was young Jaina Solo, the daughter of his own daughter, Lady Calamister. His little Leia had gone and married rather well, with General Han Solo of the Imperial Navy. The man was quite respectable, despite the coarseness of his upbringing. And now his granddaughter wanted an audience. The least he could do was grant it.

Jaina shuddered at the raspy breathing of her grandfather. He was a hard man, at the best of times, but she knew he loved her dearly. When she was six, he was the one who had killed her tutor for upsetting her. And now she had a dilemma… How could he solve this problem, though? This was a tad more complicated then your average tutor…

The rasping breath paused and the deep voice rang out. "Come now, Jaina. You can tell me what is bothering you." He had sensed her worry. He was always doing that.

"Well Grandpa… you see… I'm in love…"

His breath hitched up and the helmet tilted. "Really? Your mother will be most pleased with your apparent increase in progress. She has been hoping to have you find a nice man to settle down with for quite some time. What is the problem, my child?"

"Well Grandpa, you see, there is more then one?"

If poor old Vader's heart hadn't already had mechanical assistance, he would have needed it after that. "Really?" he said cautiously. "So you have your eyes on two different men?"

"Three actually, Grandpa…"

_Force almighty!_ The man was not a Sith Lord for nothing though and managed to restrain himself from saying that aloud or even from letting the stray thought escape him. "Three… Really, Jaina… Who are these fine young men?"

"Well Grandpa, there is Zekk…"

_I was afraid of that._ Lord Vader knew Zekk, of course. The young man was a street ruffian whom Jaina had befriended very early in life, and was actually quite a nice fellow. He also has the manners and etiquette of a gut-shot rancor. "Hmmmm… who else are you considering, my child?"

"There is also Jagged Fel…"

_You have gotta be kidding me._ Jagged Fel was the opposite of Zekk. He was the head of the 181st TIE Interceptor squadron, like his father before him, and had wonderful manners. Not to mention his father's holdings on Corellia would make one heck of a dowry. Unfortunately, the boy also had the personality of a hubba gourd. Admittedly, he wasn't as bad as some thought, but his time under Grand Admiral Thrawn had still made young Colonel Fel a dreary person to talk to. _Hopefully Jaina can liven him up. Otherwise, I might have to kill him just to make him show some emotion._ "Well, Colonel Fel is a fine young man… And the other?"

"Oh… TK-2187… He's dreamy…"

"Ummmm… Jaina… Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"

"Oh come now, Grandpa. Kyp isn't that tall… And he's really nice. He's not stuffy like my other guards and he lets me join him at the flight simulators on his days off."

Vader called the Trooper's profile to mind. Durron, Kyp. Born on Deyer. Parents were political insurgents. Trained as a Stormtrooper with his brother Zeth and later trained as a TIE Pilot and an Elite Guard. The trooper was highly skilled, but a bit of a renegade. He tended to openly disobey orders given to him by Lord Colonus, Vader's son. In fact, if he hadn't been training Jaina in flying, he likely would have been executed for treason. _Good help is so hard to find._ "Well, my child, I'm afraid I cannot decide for you. You must do that yourself."

"But Grandpa! I don't know who to pick!"

"Now, Jaina. I'm sure all will become clear in the next little while. I really must meet with Moff Flennic of Yaga Minor."

"Yes Grandpa…" Jaina left, looking sad.

A black-gloved finger brushed a dull metal switch.

Agent Erisi Dlarit, of Imperial Intelligence entered the room. "You sent for me, Lord Vader?"

"Yes Agent Dlarit. My granddaughter is in the midst of a crisis of the heart and needs some help resolving it. I promised all would be clear in a few days. I would like you to make that happen."

"Yes, my Lord. How would you like it accomplished?"

"Have General Celchu transfer Trooper TK-2187 into the Unknown Regions and under Thrawn's command. Colonel Fel should be placed, in his stead, as Jaina's flight instructor."

"Yes sir…"

"Then make sure that the local stormtrooper garrison makes a sweep through the slums and kills any suspected felons, including a certain young man named Zekk…"

"Yes, Lord Vader… Will that be all?"

"Yes… No wait!"

The agent turned back in confusion.

"Tell my chef to send up dinner… Dealing with these problems makes me hungry…"

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><p>Ain't Vader a cuddly Grandpa?<p>

Hope you liked it... More to come...

_Jasper_


	2. Jacen's Royal Pain

I don't own Star Wars or any of the Characters

Please note, for those familiar with the EU, that Jacen Solo is based on his general character in the early NJO, not post-Traitor...

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><p><strong>Chapter II: Jacen's Royal Pain<strong>

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><p>Lord Vader sat, once again, on his throne surveying the new youth before him. It was young Jacen Solo, Jaina's twin brother. To be honest, Lord Vader had always thought this particular boy was a bit of a flake. He preferred the others. They were doers, like him. But still, this was his grandson seeking an audience. It wasn't like Jacen was always pestering him for an audience. The least he could do was grant it.<p>

Jacen shivered nervously in the presence of his legendary grandfather. To be honest, the boy had always questioned his Grandpa's ethics, but desperate times called for desperate measures. This was a situation he couldn't go to his father on. Han Solo would be ashamed of him for needing to ask, claiming that his genes must have failed somehow. Bringing this up with his mother was also out of the question. The way she'd gush if he asked her this, he'd never hear the end of it. Grandpa was his last hope.

"If you've finished going through your checklist of family members, Jacen, perhaps you'd like to tell me what the problem is."

_Son of a Sith!_ Jacen did a double-take… _Wait a minute. Bad insult. I'm the son of a Sith. Still, I wish he wouldn't do that to me._ "Grandpa, I've got a problem."

"So I see… Listen Jacen; the massacre at Fondor was necessary. If the Emperor hadn't brought those people into line…"

"Actually Grandpa I have a problem with this girl…"

Vader sighed in relief. _Thank the Force. The last thing I need is for this young upstart to pester me about Imperial military policies again._ "A girl? Well that's excellent, Jacen…"

"Grandpa? Did you say there was a massacre at Fondor?"

"Massacre? No, I said manager. Fondor needed a new manager. It was a necessary change to bring people into line. Now what's this about a girl?"

Jacen stared at his grandfather another moment before allowing himself to be redirected back to the topic at hand. "Well, you see, there's this girl. She's really great, but I'm not sure how to approach her."

Vader smiled behind his mask. "You are looking for a line to open up conversation?"

Jacen grinned in response. "Yes. That's it exactly, Grandpa. I was hoping you might know a few. You managed to marry grandmother, after all… and there were those rumours about you and Major Iillor…"

Vader coughed uncomfortably. "Yes well, suffice it to say I have some experience with the ladies, yes Jacen."

"Exactly…"

Vader considered. "Well… Suggesting that they are Angels from the moons of Iego always worked for me. Ah, the number of people who fell for that line…"

Jacen shook his head balefully. "Grandpa, that line was old when Mom was young."

Vader really had trouble restraining himself from choking the life out of his grandson this time. _Questioning my military policy isn't enough. Now he has to insult the pickup lines I use._ Somehow Vader managed to hold himself back. It was difficult, though… "Well, perhaps pickup lines aren't your style, Jacen," he said, attempting to change the subject.

"What do you suggest then, Grandpa?"

Vader shrugged. "You are an Apprentice of a Dark Lady of the Sith, Jacen. Simply go and tell the person that you fancy them and intend to date them."

Jacen scoffed. "Grandfather, such heavy-handed tactics are likely to get me speared by the Hapans and served up as the main course at a banquet."

Vader found himself stiffening in his chair. "The Hapans? What have they got to do with this?" Vader had always been rather wary of the Hapans since their upstart Prince Isolder had kidnapped Lady Calamister and tried to take her back to Hapes with him. Luckily, General Solo had been there, in the Super Star Destroyer _Iron Fist_, and dealt with the situation. _I'll bet old Isolder still has nightmares about the working over Solo gave him,_ Vader thought smugly…

"I'm in love with the Hapan Princess, Tenel Ka."

_Lolloping Lightsabers!_ "Princess Tenel Ka…" _This is the last thing I need after what Queen Mother Teneniel Djo said in that last communique…_ "What an… interesting… choice, Jacen…"

"You don't like her…" It wasn't a question.

"No… I mean yes I like her fine. It's just… couldn't you find someone closer to home? I thought you were pining over that scientist, what's her name, Danni Quee…"

Jacen glared at his grandfather. "Honestly Grandpa, I don't need that scatterbrained twit. She's nothing to me. There are far better women out there."

Vader nodded sagely. "Ah, she rejected you again." _I can't say that I blame her…_

Jacen's shoulders slumped. "Yeah, and I'll never be able to get Tenel Ka to notice me because of our bad relations with the Hapes Cluster."

Vader shook his head. "Come now, Jacen. Get back to your station. I'm sure that Diplomatic Corps will offer you an opportunity to meet a nice girl."

Jacen sighed. "Yes Grandpa…"

A black-gloved finger brushed a dull metal switch.

Agent Garik Loran, of Imperial Intelligence entered the room. "You sent for me, Lord Vader?"

"Yes I did, Agent Loran. My grandson is in the midst of a personal crisis and I intend for you to resolve it."

"Yes my Lord… How may I be of service?"

"I told Jacen that the Diplomatic Corps would offer him the opportunity to meet a girl. So, I'd like you to tell General Celchu to call off our invasion of the Hapes Cluster and ask the Diplomatic Corps to send an envoy instead. Ask for Jacen, by name, to be the negotiator."

"My Lord. The Hapans are hardly friendly to us. What if they decide to simply kill Jacen as a message to us?"

Vader shrugged eloquently. "Well, in that case, the boy's romantic problems will be solved…"

"Yes my Lord. I'll get right on that."

"One more thing, Agent Loran…"

"Sir?"

"Get a message to Danni Quee. Tell her I sympathise with her feelings…"

"Yes sir."

"And then kill her…"

Loran started. "Ummmm… Yes my Lord."

As Loran left Vader shook his head. _What one must do to aid one's grandchildren…_

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><p>Whoops... He did it again... :p<p>

_Jasper_


	3. Anakin's Risky Proposal

I don't own Star Wars or any of the Characters. They all belong to George Lucas

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><p><em><strong>Anakin's Risky Proposal<strong>_

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><p>Lord Vader sat once again on his throne surveying yet another youth before him. It was Anakin Solo, his namesake. Anakin had always been Vader's personal favourite, though he had tried to hide that. He had been so happy when his daughter had named her second son for him. So of course, when Anakin had a problem, the least he could do was grant Anakin an audience and try to solve it.<p>

Anakin stood calmly in his grandfather's presence, ignoring the fussing of the various attendants telling him he was disobeying any number of protocols by not immediately bowing and doing the various required obeisances to his Grandpa. _Honestly, don't they have anything better to do then rant all day about that? I've never been shy around Grandpa and I'll be condemned to the ninth hell if I'm going to __start now__._

His Grandpa's voice broke into his thoughts. "Agreed Anakin. These men really must find better things to do."

All of the attendants cringed as a black-gloved finger brushed a dull metal switch. Admiral Crix Madine entered the room and bowed before Lord Vader. "You summoned me, Milord?"

"Yes Admiral. These men…" he pointed vaguely at the shivering attendants, "…have been wasting my time unnecessarily. I would like you to reassign them to a more useful role within the Empire. Assign them to the Shuttle _Baradium_ on its next run."

"Yes Milord…"

The attendants, thanking Vader profusely for his kindness, left his presence as quickly as possible.

Anakin's eyebrow arched. "You just reassigned them?" His voice held mild curiosity.

Vader nodded. "Yes. The _Baradium_ is bound for Kessel. I think be assigned there permanently will give them plenty of time to allow them to think about why wasting my time is a bad thing."

Anakin grinned. "I should have known."

Vader chuckled mildly. "Now, Anakin, what can I do for you?"

Anakin's face grew serious. "Well… you see Grandpa. I'm in love…"

_Not again. This is getting just a tad repetitive._ Lord Vader loved his grandson, but dealing with Jaina and Jacen's romance issues today had tired him out. Still, Anakin was his favourite, and he would do his best. "Really, Anakin? Then how can I help?"

"Well, you see Grandpa, I want to marry her and I'd like your blessing."

"Really; you just want my blessing?" _Finally! Something easy. Maybe I can get some dinner after this…_

"Yes Grandpa. All I want is your blessing."

"Well, who is this girl?"

"Her name is Tahiri Veila…"

"…And?"

"She's from Tatooine…"

_Ah good, a homeworld girl. She should be good for him._ "And who raised her?"

"A tribe of Tusken Raiders."

Vader went cold. _Tusken Raiders?_ Rage built within him. _This boy has the audacity to ask my blessing for a marriage to one of the people who killed my mother?_ It took all Vader had not to strike him dead right there. "Why would you want a Tusken Raider, Anakin? There are far nicer girls in the universe. The Tuskens are savages…"

_I knew he'd react this way…_ "Tahiri was born to a pair of moisture farmers, Grandpa. She was only raised by them."

"And thus has been indoctrinated into their savage ways…"

"She really polite…"

"That's unimportant…"

"Her parents were very wealthy farmers and she's actually the heiress to a small fortune…"

"I don't care…"

"She hates sand and shoes and everything the Tuskens love…"

"That's all very well but you can't marry her. I forbid it."

Anakin sighed. "Okay Grandpa, then I guess I'll have to tell Tahiri I can't marry her…"

"You do that."

"And then I'll have to marry the only other woman who interests me…"

"Fine…"

"Alema Rar."

"What?"

"Alema Rar. She's a dancer from Ryloth. She works at the Starlight Café. She's really quite pretty…"

_A non-human… This is bad… This is very bad… And she's a Café dancer? What kind of job is that for the woman who will marry a Sith Apprentice of Anakin's stature?_ "Ummm…"

"I guess I'll go and tell Tahiri…"

"You don't have to do that, Anakin."

"Yes I do Grandpa. She's a Tusken Raider, after all, and I wouldn't want someone to marry into the family who would upset you…"

"Well… You said she's polite and has a good dowry and hates virtually everything the Tuskens love…"

"I may have overstated her dowry a tad, Grandpa…"

"That's quite all right Anakin. I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll be happy to give you my blessing."

"Thank you, Grandpa." Anakin bowed slightly and left.

A black-gloved finger brushed a dull metal switch. Agent Myn Donos of Imperial Intelligence entered the room. "You sent for me, Milord?"

"Yes I did, Agent Donos. See to it that a dancer by the name of Alema Rar is never seen again… And then make preparations for my grandson's wedding."

"Yes milord."

Vader sighed in relief. _Crisis averted_.

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><p>As Anakin left Vader's antechamber, Tahiri grabbed him and pulled him into a secluded side-passage. "How'd it go?"<p>

"Great. We've got his blessing." Anakin smirked.

Tahiri's jaw dropped. "I thought you said his mother was killed by Tusken Raiders. Didn't that count against me?"

Anakin's smirk widened. "Yes, it did. But you just need to know how to talk to Grandpa…"

Tahiri glared. "What did you do, Anakin?"

Anakin shrugged. "I just suggested that my alternative was to marry a non-human who is even poorer then you."

Tahiri's eyes widened in horror. "You've probably condemned her to death, you know?"

Anakin shrugged again. "Don't worry. Remember that Twi'lek that kept coming on to me at the restaurant last night? The one who was so annoying that we had to leave?"

"Yes…"

"That's who I said I was going to marry."

Tahiri smiled wickedly. "You know what, Anakin?"

"What?"

"There are times you are such a dummy... And then there's now…"

Anakin laughed. "I love you too, Tahiri."

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><p>For the record, Vader is not racist, he merely knows that Palpatine is and that having his favourite godson marry a non-human would be a good way to get the kid killed... :p<p>

_Jasper_


	4. Once More with Feeling (Ben's Dilemma)

I don't own Star Wars or any of the characters. They belong to George Lucas...

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><p><strong>Once More with Feeling *or* Ben's Dilemma<strong>

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><p><em>Years later…<em>

Lord Vader had aged, but he was still strong and fit. His granddaughter, Jaina, was happily married to General Jagged Fel. His eldest grandson, Jacen, was married to Tenel Ka, the new Queen Mother of the Hapes Cluster. This had resulted in Hapes joining the Empire. And lastly, his prized grandson, Anakin, was married to Tahiri Veila whom, despite her rather disturbing relationship with the Tusken Raiders, had proved to be a wonderful wife for Anakin.

_Now I can finally relax…_ A knock came at the door. _Or not…_

The teen who walked into Lord Vader's presence looked utterly forlorn. His auburn hair hung raggedly about him as he sighed heavily and dropped a half-hearted obeisance to his legendary grandfather. This was the only son of Lord Colonus, and the only heir to the Skywalker name. Ben…

Ben was despondent. _Why can't she love me? I care about her so much._

"Really, Ben. I went through this with your cousins. Could you explain who she is?"

_Jaina warned me he'd do that. I should have paid attention…_

"Yes you should have. Now out with it, Ben."

Ben sighed dramatically. "I'm in love…"

Vader shook his head. _Why is it always me? Don't my grandchildren have parents for this?_

"Yeah, we do… But who the heck wants to talk to their parents about this stuff."

_Sufferin' Sith… Now he's doing this to me._

"Serves you right, Grandpa." Ben quipped, smirking proudly.

Vader glared and calmed himself, carefully shielding his thoughts as he organised them to regain control of the situation. Then he had his solution. "So… Who isn't able to love you like you want?"

That took the wind from Ben's sails. The boy returned to his rather sad-looking state. "Well… You see… I really love, Jysella. But she wants Gilbert Mothma of Chandrila."

Vader nodded. Gilbert was Mon's grandson, and a good man. That being said… "Ben, this is really none of my business. I'm sure that Jysella will come to realise that you are a far better choice then Gilbert."

"But Grandpa…"

"That's enough, Ben. I'm very tired, and your father has an agricultural report from the moisture farms on Tatooine that he wants me to look over. Now get out of here and show Jysella what a great guy you are…"

Ben sighed. "Okay… I'll try…" The boy turned to leave.

"Ben."

"Yes Grandpa?"

"There is no try… Only do…"

Ben smiled vaguely, looking completely unconvinced. "Sure, Grandpa." The boy left without another word.

A black-gloved finger brushed a dull metal switch. Agent Myri Antilles of Imperial Intelligence entered the room. "You sent for me, Milord?"

"Ah, there you are Agent Antilles. My grandson has been having romantic difficulties."

The young woman nodded sagely. "I know, Milord."

"But that is not your concern."

"Milord?"

"I am assigning Agent Tainer to Ben from now on."

"Have I failed you in some way, Milord?"

"On the contrary, Antilles. Your service has been exemplary and I intend to reward you." He slid a datapad across his desk to her.

Myri picked it up cautiously and allowed her jaw to drop when she read it. "Your conditions for allowing Gilbert Mothma to become the Grand Moff of Chandrila are only that he marry me? I understood that you'd hoped to get a great deal out of Mothma…" The agent was hard-pressed to conceal her excitement. It was the most ill-kept secret in the Empire that she fancied Gilbert Mothma.

Vader smiled behind his mask. "Trust me, Antilles, I _am_ getting more out of this. Send Tainer in on your way out."

Myri bowed and exited with frantic haste, afraid he'd reconsider if she stayed too long.

Vader chuckled in amusement. "Like vaping buzz droids in an oil drum."

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><p>Finis!<p>

Hope you all enjoyed a heart to heart with everyone's most feared Grandpa...

_Jasper_


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